♥ The way you look at me.

Saturday, November 2, 2013

What's your rationale? Sometimes you just have to make decision

Having the urge to blog. i know i am supposed to be doing my individual assignment, but, i just want to take a break.=)

sometimes running away from something you really love a lot is not easy. as for me, i have been trying to run away from cheer for the past one sem. trying to shut myself off and hate cheer, but i realised i ended up feeling so terrible and missing it so much. missing the opportunities to cheer. missing the resources and chances given to me. i guess it is part of human nature, you just cant stop wanting and expecting for more rather than cherish what is in front of you. thus, when we start losing it, we then realised how dearly we should have hold on to them initially. struggling with myself for the past few months is not easy. trying to find a new hobby like ballet didnt work out. coming up with a lot of excuses for myself didnt work either. and after i left cheer, i then realised how lonely i actually is.

sometimes, i really feel very down and lonely. just like what i have read online, facebook and networking sites are a source to make you feel jealous and down. i do feel it sometimes, but i will tell myself to appreciate and be contented to what i have. this way i will feel happier.

after learning social work for so long, self-awareness makes me understand more about myself. i know the past me have not been a wonderful one, and i have faced a lot of consequences because of that, because of my greediness and never be contented with what i have. instead of mourning the past, i decided to become a better person. everyone of us have unique experiences which made us who we are now. so what we can do is to learn from them and never repeat the mistakes we have made.

being together 15 mths plus, xy told me that i am more positive and cheerful as compared to last time. i am really really thankful for him, to always be by my side. i will cherish him and am not going to repeat the same mistakes 2 yrs ago. to someone once special to me: thank you for the past two yrs. it has been more than 2 yrs since you left. i know that you are living well with your current gf now, and i am very happy for you, sincerely deep down from my heart. sorry for not cherishing our rs and have taken you for granted. thanks for the two yrs which make me grow a lot, and teach me to cherish the things and people ard. even though you are not my first bf, but i feel that you are my first love simply because the rs is one which is deeply etched in my heart and i have never forget even though ive tried to. being said that, i have moved on too. and i have found my missing half.=) im glad that we have both found our own parachutes.=) and yup, this time round, i will be thankful and cherish him.

time flies, i am in my most probably last sem of uni (if im not taking honors). and i decided to make a decision and to face my inner self, as in what i really wanted. i have decided to join back alpha and complete my journey with cheer. i know many people may doubt or question my intentions, but i guess i dont really have to answer them. and for my close frens, i really hope that you all will understand my decisions and support me. i will really appreciate it.

*you gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside your soul*

*tata

♥its going on 4:42:00 PM